Thursday, April 3, 2014

Peeing in Public and 11 Other Luxuries of Being a Child - by Rachelle

As most moms know, the stars pretty much have to align to have any kind of productive thoughts – aside from “should I put on the peanut butter or jelly first” and “I wiped him when he was done, right?” – when our children are around. Not a bad thing. Just a fact of a mama’s life. The other day, when I was in the drive-thru line at Starbucks, those stars aligned. My 2 ½ year old son, Evan, was with me – his big brother, Andrew, was at preschool.

Evan wanted Madelines (those yummy little French pastries that Starbucks – Every. Single. One. Of. Them. – has displayed conveniently at child’s-eye-level near the register) that provide exactly (in my family, anyway), 4 to 6 minutes of yummy indulgence for the boys, and 4 to 6 minutes of indulgent silence for me.

As Evan and I sat in line, the conversation went something like this.
Starbucks Lady: “Hi, welcome to Starbucks. What can I get started for you?”
Evan: “I want Madelines, mommy.”
Me: “I know, Evan, just hang on so I can order…I’ll get…”
Evan: “Madelines!”
Me: “A venti black iced tea, no sweetener…”
Evan: “Madelines!!”
Me: “Evan, shhhh…I’m telling her now. I can’t hear when you’re talking so loud.”
Lady: “What was that? I missed the last thing you ordered.”
Me: “Oh, I didn’t order anything else. I was talking to my son. Can I get a package of…”
Evan: “Madelines! Madelines! Madelines!”
Me, looking back at him. Evan smiling at me. It’s hilarious. To him. Only him. It’s funny but frustrating (for me, not him). I’m sure the people in line behind us were enjoying the wait as well.
Me: “I’d like a package of Madelines…” I got the word out!
Evan: “Apple juice! Can I have a box of applejuice?”

And so the conversation with myself, Evan, and the patient Starbucks lady continued with regards to apple juice.

During the 4 to 6 minutes of silence those Madelines bought me, here’s what I thought about in the sweet silence of my car: What if adults could walk through life with grown-up thoughts but respond with child-like actions and reactions? I imagined how my day would go, and these thoughts made me smile.

Drive my kids to school. Yell at every driver in my way.
Walk them to their classrooms. Whine when I have to leave because I am having so much fun socializing with other grown-ups.
Decide to have a full-on fit that gets every parent, student, and staff member looking at me.
End my fit once desired attention has been received.
Drive home to get my computer so I can take it to Starbucks and work. Cry when I get to Starbucks and realize I forgot the paperwork I need.
Drive home to get computer. Realize when I’m driving that I have to pee but can’t hold it.
Pee my pants.
Cry because I peed my pants.
Get home. Change clothes. Kick the dryer when I realize my only clean undies are in there, wet because I forgot to hit “start” before leaving to take the kids to school.
Work at home because I’m too frustrated to leave.
Start working and realize I’m hungry.
Fix myself lunch, look down and realize I don’t like it. Throw the sandwich across the room.
Cry because there’s now a big, sticky mess of food on the ground.
Refuse to clean it up.
Start feeling anxious because I haven’t started my work yet. Glance at the TV and decide that that’d be more fun.
Watch a movie.
Look at clock and realize I need to leave soon to pick up my kids. Work for a few minutes before grabbing my keys and getting into the car.
Roll my window down to get some fresh air but start screaming that it’s messing up my hair.
Notice that drivers on the road are staring at me, so I scream, “Stop looking at me!” before crying hysterically.

I’ll stop here because, by now, my 4 to 6 minutes are gone. Just some fun thoughts I wanted to share.  

Isn’t it too bad that children don’t realize what luxuries they have simply for being a child until they’re grown up and it doesn’t matter anymore? That they have the freedom to do and say as they please (with repercussions, of course, but still!)?

We’d LOVE to hear one child-like response YOU might have in your own life if it wasn’t totally and completely socially unacceptable to do so. Post on our FB page and get others laughing!

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