Tuesday, December 2, 2014

5 Things I Am Sick of Seeing on Facebook - by Hilary

I love Facebook. I also hate it.
Mostly, it's fun to see what my friends are up to, especially the ones who live far away. It's fun to watch their kids grow, and to discover that we have mutual interests after all these years. It's fun to meet new friends, too!
We can connect over TV shows, news stories, life changes, books, hobbies, likes and dislikes.
Sometimes, though, I want to throw my phone out the window when I see what some of these people are posting on Facebook. The posts to which I'm referring to are calls for attention and nothing more. Their only value is for the person posting to get attention from his or her friends. Not to entertain, inform or educate.
(Now don't go getting high and mighty and telling me to delete these people from my Friends list or ask Facebook to stop showing me their News Feeds. Making fun of people is one other benefit of Facebook! Ha!)
So here are 5 things I'm sick of seeing on Facebook.

1. Car selfies.
Yes, you look beautiful, all dolled up first thing in the morning, or for your date night, or for girls' night out, or for this particular selfie moment. But what are you going for, here? You're going for compliments.

2. The ever-changing profile picture, designed only to make the person look more artistic, outdoorsy, model-like, or cosmopolitan.
Of course, sometimes there's a great reason to change your profile picture. Maybe it's Giving Tuesday and you're spreading the message about how people can change the world. Maybe you're raising awareness for equal rights for gay marriage. Maybe it's your anniversary or your kid's birthday. but let's face it: so many people change their profile picture every week just to show us all how they can look more model-like, outdoorsy, artistic or cosmopolitan. We get it. You're good-looking. You are a rock star. You are an artist. You are a hiker.

3. The negativity.

"Ugh. My kids are being monsters today. The 2-year-old peed on the floor and the baby won't stop crying. I haven't been able to sit down all day to eat a meal or drink my coffee. I hate my life and I am so glad it is bedtime. Goodnight."

Shut up. Sit down and drink your damn coffee. Let the kids go wild for a minute. You'll all feel better for it. We all know kids can be monsters. Stop complaining for God's sake. It's you, not them.

Stop whining.

The funny alternative to this statement is something like "I'm not fit to parent today!" Yes. That's a statement of fact - a FUNNY statement of fact.


"I am so lonely. I am so tired of people hurting my feelings."

Shut up. They're probably hurting your feelings because you're a negative, annoying person.

Or ...

"I am so sick of the drama on Facebook. I'm staying off Facebook for a while."

[2 days later... Posting a new car selfie.]

Shut up. You ARE the drama on Facebook.

You get the picture.

4. The cryptic messages.

"I am SO over this!"

Or ...

"Ugh! Some people! I know who my REAL friends are."

Or ...

"Has anyone ever stabbed you in the back? Feeling so betrayed..."

Shut up. Attention hound.

5. The lies.

"I just LOVE how these kids love each other!"

Yeah, right. Not 2 seconds ago, the two boys were beating the crap out of each other on the bunk bed, trying to push their sister off so she could fall to her death, or at least a broken neck.

And for 2 bonus Facebook dislikes:

6. Productivity posts:

"Wow. Busy day. I am so impressed with myself. So far I've done eight loads of laundry, four loads of dishes, vacuumed the house, dusted the blinds, and I have dinner in the slow cooker! Now, off to show my megasuperhuman powers and give my kids a bath before I teach them how to knit and we knit scarves for starving children in Russia."

We are all very impressed. Shit, I'm lucky if I get my kids fed, dressed and off to school on time with lunches. We dress out of laundry baskets (or if I'm really on my game, we get our folded clothes off the couch). Our sink is almost always full of dishes, and I forget to thaw meat for dinner almost daily. Forget the slow cooker.

7. Pictures of ugly babies with captions saying how cute they are.

Your baby looks like a troll.

What are YOU sick of seeing on Facebook?


bethany dearden said...

Haha! Yes to all of these.

The Webbers said...

Okay, this made me laugh so hard! And make me mentally review what I have put on facebook to make sure I haven't committed any of these offenses! I'm sick of seeing people's delicious foods and lovey posts about how amazing their husbands are!

The Mommy Blog Chronicles said...

Sarah - you never post annoying stuff! And Bethany, I'm glad you agree. ;)